A question that is probably as timely now than it has ever been is this: “What is love?”
Bob Marley asked that question back in the 70s. The band Foreigner was at least honest enough to admit “I want to know what love is! I want you to show me!” (although the “you” is never really identified). I find it interesting that much of our popular music in the last 70 years (going back to the days of Frank Sinatra) asks that question, or laments its lack, or celebrates its being requited. But the question still stands, even if it is a question implied by a couple of bobble-headed club-goers played by Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan on SNL circa 1994 with their pervasive sound-track of “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me!”
So, what is love? Is it sex? Romance? Warm feelings? Maybe.
But one thing we can be sure of, intellectually at least, is that it can’t mean something that it didn’t mean 500 or 5,000 years ago. Love is what it is, and can’t be based on our own ephemeral whims. It is often-times thought, in our post-modern cultural milieu, that “Love = Romance.” But romanticism, as we see or read about in movies and books, was virtually unknown to the ancients. If we look historically, we only need to look as far as the romantic poets and writers of the 18th century: Wordsworth, Keats, Coleridge, Shelley, and Blake. They defined love as “feeling and emotion” and argued that it was a crime against oneself to marry, for instance, for any other reason than “love.” Those writers’ influence has bled into the books and songs of E.L. James or Ed Sheeran. Romance morphs quite easily into “feelings,” including sex and “marriage on a whim and as long as it makes me happy.”
If romantic love is all there is, when romance wavers there is nothing to fall back on. There is no elasticity to romantic love. It can’t be stretched. It simply shatters. Which is why we hear time and time again “I just don’t love him anymore,” or “I’m just not attracted to her physically anymore.”
Here is how the Bible describes love: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13:1). And the Bible also gives us a clear application of how we can know love: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us” (1 John 3:16).
Love as defined by the Bible is concrete, involving sacrifice and commitment and faithfulness...all of which breeds a passion that mere romanticism could never fulfill. God, the Creator, is the one who gets to define love. And he has credibility because he showed us love.
{tweetme}This seems to be one of the great challenges of life: To experience this love.{/tweetme} The Bible tells us that we are loved. We are worth fighting for. We are worth sacrificing for. One of the most brilliant theologians of the 20th century, Karl Barth, was asked to summarize his magisterial commentary Christian Dogmatics. He responded after a pause: “Jesus loves me, this I know.” And this not because we are inherently loveable. In fact, St. Augustine reminds us that “by loving the unloveable God made me lovely.”
And when we experience this love, we will indeed become loving towards others because of God’s gracious love towards us.
Tucker Else is Christian Union's director of undergraduate ministry at the University of Pennsylvania. Tucker served as a pastor in Iowa for seven years. Prior to that he was a practicing attorney for an international bank (RaboBank). In preparation for pastoral ministry, he earned an MDiv at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis. He received his JD from Drake University.Tucker and his wife, Marchelle, have been married for 21 years. They have four children: Lauren, Tamrick, Brennan, and Kianna. He loves reading, music, sports, and visiting all of Philadelphia's great neighborhoods. He takes delight in discipling students into a deeper love and affection for Jesus Christ.
