Tolkien dearly loved his children, and he left a literary legacy in the form of letters. Many of these letters were written to his sons, and these letters represent, not only a hallmark of literary quality, but a treasure of Christian teaching on matters of manhood, marriage, and sex. Taken together, these letters constitute a priceless legacy, not only to the Tolkien boys, but to all those with whom the letters have been shared.J.R.R. Tolkien, best known for his popular works of fantasy The Hobbit and ‘The Lord of the Rings’ trilogy, was also a devoted husband and father. He and his wife, Edith, had four children, three of which were boys. Tolkien composed richly literate letters to his dear children in which he sought to impress upon them, among other things, the implications of sin on human relationships and the profound value of cultivating sexual restraint.
An article entitled ‘From Father to Son – J.R.R. Tolkien on Sex’ expounds on some of the lessons and values Tolkien shared with his children. In one letter, addressed to his son Michael, Tolkien’s reflections are prescient of the coming Sexual Revolution with its “unshakable faith in sex and its liberating power.” His insights are bracing and applicable to us today.
In the face of a world increasingly committed to sexual anarchy, Tolkien understood that sex must be respected as a volatile and complex gift, bearing potential for great pleasure and even greater pain.
In a masterful way, Tolkien approached the delicate topic of sexuality, exposing the shortcomings of modernist beliefs and replacing it with the beautiful teachings of Christianity. He candidly addressed male-female friendship, the discipline of monogamy and faithfulness, and integrity in marriage.
Those who see marriage as nothing more than the arena of ecstatic and romantic love will be disappointed, Tolkien understood. “When the glamour wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find.
Tolkien concluded that Christianity’s pragmatic understanding of human sin and elevation of lifelong marriage and fidelity, held out more potential for setting healthy boundaries on powerful desires than all his century’s misplaced optimism in human progress. Christianity was not even to be fooled by romance; marital commitment would require lifelong effort to rein in a sinful will.
“The devil is endlessly ingenious, and sex is his favorite subject,” Tolkien insisted. “He is as good every bit at catching you through generous romantic or tender motives, as through baser or more animal ones.” Thus, Tolkien advised his young son, then 21, that the sexual fantasies of the 20th century were demonic lies, intended to ensnare human beings.
Tolkien’s reasoning on these topics stood in stark contrast to society’s standards in his time, every bit as much as it does today. But being out of step with the spirit of the age was encouragement to him. He upheld a sense of chivalry and honor, and refused to lay those down in the name of ‘modern principles’ or ‘keeping up with the times’. He was confident that Christianity’s view of sex and marriage was not only sound but also pointed to the eternal. He encouraged his son with this poignant comparison:
“We were born in a dark age out of due time (for us). But there is this comfort: otherwise we should not know, or so much love, what we do love. I imagine the fish out of water is the only fish to have an inkling of water.”
