No one wants to be criticized, regardless of whether the criticism is intended to be constructive or derisive. Nonetheless, criticism is a component of culture: we see criticism everywhere, from the comments section of a news article to exchanges in the workplace. How then, are we to deal with criticism? Naturally, we are tempted to turn and defend ourselves, often times wanting to prove we are “better” in some manner than our criticizers. But is this the best way to react?
In a blogpost, Timothy Keller expounds sage advice on how we are to deal with criticism from a Christian perspective. Interestingly, Keller does not focus on how to defend ourselves, but on how to protect ourselves from giving into the character pitfalls that open up when we are faced with criticism. Drawing from a letter by John Newton, Keller shares advice that rang true seven years ago - when the article originally was published - and which still ring true today.
First, Keller outlines the danger of enmity that criticism poses to us, and what we can do to circumvent it:
The biggest danger of receiving criticism is not to your reputation, but to your heart. You feel the injustice of it and feel sorry for yourself, and it tempts you to despise not only the critic, but the entire group of people from which they come.
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So how can you avoid this temptation? First, you should look to see if there is a kernel of truth in even the most exaggerated and unfair broadsides. There is usually such a kernel when the criticism comes from friends, and there is often such truth when the disapproval comes from people who actually know you. So even if the censure is partly or even largely mistaken, look for what you may indeed have done wrong
Second, Keller warns us not to give into pride and contempt when the criticizer is someone you don’t know:
When that happens it is even easier to fall into a smugness and perhaps be tempted to laugh at how mistaken your critics are. "Pathetic..." you may be tempted to say. Don't do it. Even if there is not the slightest kernel of truth in what the critic says, you should not mock them in your thoughts. First, remind yourself of examples of your own mistakes, foolishness, and cluelessness in the past, times in which you really got something wrong. Second, pray for the critic, that he or she grows in grace.
Finally, Keller exhorts us to never—no matter what— give into the temptation to deride and mock our criticizers. No matter how much we may disagree with their opinion, they are still God’s children:
So whatever you do, do anything you can to avoid feeling smug and superior to the critic. Even if you say to yourself that you are just 'shrugging it off' and that you are not going to respond to the criticism, you can nonetheless conduct a full defense and refutation in the courtroom of your mind, in which you triumphantly prove how awful and despicable your opponents are. But that is a spiritual trap. Newton's remarks about this are very convicting:
"A man may have the heart of a Pharisee, while his head is stored with orthodox notions of the unworthiness of the creature, and the riches of free grace. Yea, I would add, the best of men are not wholly free from this leaven; and therefore are too apt to be pleased with such representations as hold up our adversaries to ridicule, and by consequence flatter our own superior judgments … I hope your performance will savor of a spirit of true humility, and be a means of promoting it in others."
When we are faced with criticism, we must not let our negative emotions guide us. As we prepare to defend ourselves, we must aim to maintain an attitude of humility, and never forget that we are God’s instruments. If we allow God’s grace to influence us, then criticism changes from a “threat” to a chance to faithfully bear His image in the world and exemplify the grace He has extended to us.
