Esther Xiang, Harvard '23
by erin conner, writer and communications associate
"I thought Harvard would give me everything I ever needed," said Esther Xiang, as she reflected on her undergraduate career, "but only Jesus can do that." Xiang graduated from Harvard in 2023 as a psychology major. She walked out of Cambridge, rejecting the voice of the world, and followed the voice of God into full-time missionary work to be Jesus's hands and feet to the nations. The Lord opened up a door for her to take a year off and do global mission work in the Himalayas, France, and New Zealand.
"In my time in ministry, I've seen the Lord move in crazy ways, and I've been able to witness incredible miracles in front of my eyes," said Xiang with an overwhelming sense of joy and peace. "I’ve moved around the world my whole life. I’ve never lived in one place for over 4 years. He showed me that He designed me with the desire to be nomadic for a deeper purpose than my own ambitions. I felt pressed to lay down my plans and take up His plans for me. He has given me a heart for the nations and told me that my dreams are too small—that He is my dream!"
She shared about the mindset shift from desiring the "American Dream" with its six-figure salary and its white picket fence to desiring a life of dreaming with the Lord and living in partnership with the God of the universe.
"He showed me how we are all chasing our own version of Harvard. Maybe it’s living in that neighborhood or having the perfect relationship. Or maybe it’s going to that school or getting that job promotion. We all have something we are hoping for, longing for. And we subconsciously believe that when we get that thing, we will finally have what we want. But it fails to satisfy us every time. God created us with a God-shaped vacuum. It can only be filled by God Himself! There is a cry that exists in each of our hearts. The reality is you cannot answer a cry for the Eternal with temporal pleasure."
Xiang desires for everyone to experience and encounter God in a deeply personal way to find what they are desperately looking for: Him. "He is so worthy and beautiful. It is my joy to get to partner with Him–to say 'yes' to Him." She acknowledges that living life fully surrendered to and for the Lord is challenging and that the path is not easy, but that it is the only Way, joyfully saying, "We get to drink from the well that never runs dry."
Xiang began attending Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary this fall to earn a Master of Divinity and receive the training she needs to serve well. In her first year at Gordon-Conwell, she is gaining insight into Biblical truth alongside Christ-like leaders with the same mission: to bring the Lord's will to fruition on earth, as it is in heaven. She has open hands each day, asking the Lord what He wants for her to receive and to give away in each moment.
"I have this God-sized dream now that feels so big, and only He knows how to get there. When we build our lives on things only God can do, He gets all the glory! Why would I lean on my own human understanding and wisdom when the God of the universe knows best?"
"When I was abroad, I was with people living completely laid down lives for the Lord. He has opened my eyes to see how Christianity in the West is marked by making Jesus an accessory to our life instead of a reorientation of life around Him." Xiang continued, "There is only one form of Christianity, and it is radical and countercultural. There is no mission without the Holy Spirit’s power."
Xiang's undeniable authenticity testifies that we each hold the potential to have a deeper revelation of who He is and how He sees us. "There is an intimacy with the Lord that is only cultivated in the secret place. His presence is transformational. We have to get fresh oil!”
When asked what builds intimacy, she answered simply, "obedience."
"Fear of the Lord—to love what He loves and hate what He hates. The heart that chooses to love in the midst of suffering makes God the most beautiful. Because we only get to do it once in this age! Jesus has already paid the highest price for us. The least I can do is give him my whole heart. We don’t do it because we have to. We get to!"
Xiang stated, "When Jesus went into the wilderness, He was tempted by Satan to prove His worth and identity. The temptation was to be relevant, spectacular, and powerful. It is the same temptation Christ's followers experience today. But true faith is not built in days or weeks, but in years and decades of obedience to Him… of needing and loving the Lord in the every day moments of life."
Xiang asked a poignant question that deeply matters in each of our hearts and in each of our spheres of influence: "What does it take to move the heart of an eternal God? How can I show Him that He is everything to me?" Her life shows us that Jesus is our breakthrough. Our reward. Our dream. Her life shows us that when we want Jesus more than anything else, we will live the abundant, overflowing life He came to give.
Christian Union is humbled and honored to serve students like Esther Xiang through its Universities' ministries and to support its alumni in their subsequent work unto the Lord.
To join Xiang's missionary newsletter to receive updates about her ministry, click here.